Sour

Sour is the taste in my mouth ....long have I pretended that it was all alright. The time has come to pass. The dark before ....... well ....just the dark really....a lone light ...... into the abyss we stare ... silent ...without ..... without .. sour.....sour is the taste in my mouth......


when all seems right ...
in the silence of the night
it will be revealed
that what we have is real


there' s a sour taste in my mouth tonight
I got the feeling
the tonight ...well ..tonight ..
please you need to runaway ...
please you need to run away ......
please you need to run away


there is a sour tast in my mouth ..
tonight
there is a sour taste in my mouth
tonight

please ...please ...you need to runaway

I am scared .....

runaway

good night sweet heart

well good night sweet heart its time to go... sour has set in . good night good night .
I told you to go ....but you wouldnt listen.
I told you to go....
well good night
good night
I told you to go ....
sour has set in
we can both win
I told you to go

the truth of it all

OK so there comes a time when everyone hurts someone they care about. We have been on both sides of that street. We have hurt and been hurt. We have tried with the best intentions to withstand our own evil doing. We have struggled with what is right, wrong, and what should be . How we can be happy and not selfish . How we can love and not hate. when the world is pressing on your back to be able to stand tall at the end of the day ...well that is all that we can ask for... We show kindness to strangers and venom to our loved ones. Why is it that when you feel comfortable you feel as though you don't have to work . Why do I feel as though every move I make is the wrong one. Where is it going... Where are we going .. and what have we done to get there ? When things end people are hurt and anger rears its ugly head . Sides are chosen and lines are drawn. This is the nature of things and we can except that .. but lies ... when spread about and shaken can ruin a lifetime of work and perseverance. Long have we done things the right way and long have they ended the the wrong way.When will the circle end.. When will it end.. you would think that at this point in the world I would have a incline of what i was talking about ... I don't ... I write to express, but my voice is guarded..long is the fear of tapping into what really lies beneath. to come to grips with that it.. to understand that there is no gold, no sunshine or sky, sand or water I have to deal with the facts and they are this ..happiness is elusive and rare ... can you rush it ? can you save it ? is it real ? for me ....sadly i think not ....

one way to go

once you look upon it ..... you see it
I feel as though every move i make is the wrong one.. why ... i keep trying ....
I really don't understand.. I am afraid .... of myself ..... of who I am ....
its just that I always thought of it differently ... the way I would be .. not that I am mad
or sad ..... Just that I am afraid.... to be ... of ... myself .... of who I am
The wrong moves plague me ..
The wrong moves bind me .....
Once you look upon it .... you see ..
I'll keep trying ...
but its the ones that I hurt that haunt me....
I'll keep trying
its just that I always thought it would be different .... thought it would be some thing else ...
I wanted to write a letter to explain ....
That's why I will keep trying

what ?

every time it comes ... and every time it goes...We stand at the entrance waiting to take that step .. but fear holds us back... stops us from enjoying the moment. We wonder aloud to ourselves.. how long will this last. How long will the ride be ? Its hard to forget about the past. Its harder to not let it effect your judgment. We forget that its the ride that counts not the destination. Life as you see it is not life as it is. Long has been the struggle to just enjoy what is and not ponder what was or what will be. Easier said than done though. Easier said than done. How many conversations with myself must I have. How many times do i need to put the brakes on. When ...when can i hit the gas ? I look back and all I see it a trail of sorrow left in my wake. This world is what we make of it. The gas pedal should be avoided at all costs.. but somehow .... there is a desire to burn inside.. a yearning to be complete. The gas pedal will be pressed and it will be pressed hard. If you fail you fail.... it has happened before ..and it will happen again.This is a fact .. but when fear and despair wash over you, when cold and sorrow knock on the door. When all the lights have went out and the house is quiet and still. In the dead of the night, just as you cant sleep ..
then it hits you ..
then you understand ...
you were alone before ..
you will be alone again..
you will die alone ...
but the journey the journey must be taken

ANSAN

That my friends is the matter of the facts..the pie in the sky that you have been holding onto. Sure there are arguments about the spice of life. I know that you can come up with a dozen honorable things to prove me wrong as I stated ANSAN which in short stands for Aint Nothing Special About Nothing is true. I have been wrestling with this for about 6 years now. The seeds of this were planted along time before that in my cynical twisted little mind. I am, as we all our, trapped in our minds.When I say ansan I mean today . Right now. For me . The realization of the answer was just as opening as the answer itself. There has been years of research and countless hours of deep concentration. Long days on the road alone. Nights in my bed when I wished I was alone. Blankly pressing into the present. ansan was tough for me to admit. I cannot say all is lost. There are plenty of good things. There are a few great things . But something special I have not found. You see Special is a personal point of view. Greatness can be debated. Good is obvious. Special.. well ..Special is different...it seems to require something I cannot grasp